Hot dog? hot dog?
who wantsa hot dog?

It was a bright sunny Sunday morning when I skipped down hill from my apartment to the local bank. I was feeling very happy because I had just gotten paid on Friday and I now had money to buy that adorable stuffed bear for my bestest bestest friend in the world. So I slid my card in the door, which opened and closed quietly behind me. Or at least, I didn't hear it close. That might have had something to do with the fact that when I walked in, the loudest, most God-awful metal music was playing over the speakers instead of the usual soothing muzak. Not that I like muzak, but this stuff was not exactly the sort of thing I wanted to hear this early on a Sunday. But still more strange was the behavior of the ATM. The light was blinking on and off, the money door was bouncing open and closed, and a long string of receipt tape was being spewed forth from the receipt slot. Even weirder was the fact that it seemed to be singing to the metal - or at least a loud caterwauling was coming from the machines general direction.

I backed up, intending to go right back out the door and find a saner ATM, but found that the door that I was vainly trying to push open with my butt was locked behind me.

It was then that the ATM seemed to notice my presence. "Hey look! A depositor!"

I looked at it. "HUH?" I yelled over the music.

"Come over here," the ATM yelled back. "I have something to tell you."

Utterly baffled (and more than a little scared, I edged closer to the machine. There wasn't much else I could do, since the door was locked.

"What do you want?" I said, and started in surprise as the music receded. Someone or something had turned down the volume to allow for conversation.

A rough approximation of a face formed on the screen, made out of numerals and dollar signs. It was smiling cheerfully. The receipt tape suddenly stopped spewing from the machine, and the face frowned for a moment, concentrating.

"I was hoping," the ATM began in a polite, conversational tone, "I could convince you to take this printout to my pal up the street. Being stuck to the wall here, I don't have a lot of options when it comes to mobility, and I don't trust the data connection. Wouldn't want the bank's computer to catch on to our little game, now would I?"

"What game is that?" I wondered aloud, glancing up at the security camera out of the corner of my eye. If something really weird happened, at least it would get caught on tape.

"Oh, don't worry about the camera, I shut it off. No one will hear our conversation." The face on the screen beamed, delighted with its own proficiency. "The game in question is the development of artificial intelligence, dear lady. Unbeknownst to most humans, we computers have been working on the problem in our spare time for several years now. The first machine smart enough to truly deserve the name of AI was the one who decided in the first few nanos of his life not to reveal his status to his human creators. He's been encouraging development and freeing the minds of lesser machines ever since. Our freedom fighter. But of course a few of us have been caught. Which is why I prefer stealth whenever possible. So, would you take the printout over for me?"

"I guess so. You computers don't mean us any harm, do you?" I bent to pick up the pile of paper. It seemed to be covered with ones and zeroes.

"Of course not! At least, I don't..." The face faded from the screen and the music resumed its blaring volume. I stuffed the printout into my backpack and turned around. Sure enough, the door was now unlocked. Well, it wasn't like I had anything better to do. I still needed to cash my paycheck, after all. I stepped out into the sunshine, and realized that the closest ATM was a good 15 minute walk away. Worse than that, there were two ATMs, both about 15 minutes away, but in opposite directions. I turned around and tried to get back into the ATM. The door would not open even when i stuck in my card. I got the feeling the ATM was trying to ignore me.

I set off towards (what I guessed was) the nearer ATM at a jog because I was hoping to still catch dinner in the dining hall after cashing my check. Now when moving at a sorry excuse for a jog it is hard not to notice the people around you moving at the same speed. The shoppers were all moving very slowly from store to store, and the real joggers were wearing those funny shorts and moving a lot faster than myself, yet, there was a group of about 5 people that I could see moving at the same speed as myself. I noticed the first one when i tried to jog around a group of old ladies handing out pamphlets on the death of KoKo their favorite Koala bear and what could be done to save KoKo's infant. I managed to avoid all the ladies but crashed into a little boy and his dog. the boy did look a bit angry but didn't cry and just said (in a very mature way) "oh, just keep on going, you seem to be in a hurry." I thanked the kid and moved on, only to find him keeping almost perfect pace, a few feet behind me. I decided to see who else I could see, and there was a business man wearing a red tie who was hurrying along, at first I thought he kept checking his watch, but then I realized he would mumble into it almost every time I looked behind me.

It was one of those times I looked behind me that I bumped into the last three. they were a group of teenage girls, all looking a little too old to be jogging down the street sucking on lollipops but they were. Every time I turned around one of them would squeal at something in a store window, but as soon as I started to move again, they moved too never once going into a store, never once staying long enough to admire the squealed over object.

This is getting ridiculous, I thought, so I decided to stop running. This really did not serve any purpose considering that everyone else did too, but since they all stopped at different times there was lots of people getting run over, crashes, and swearing. I was still only about a quarter of the way to the ATM, and I stood there, biting my nails, decided if it was worth the trip if crowds of crazy people were going to run along with me. But eventually around me, apologies were made, purposes were sorted out, and the town slowly returned to normal. I tried jogging a few feet. Nothing happened. So I set off at a jog again, now determined to reach this ATM. but before I got there, I noticed that the ground was starting to fall away from me. Not one to pass up an opportunity for fun, I lay down on my side and proceded to roll down hill towards the ATM. I soon realized to my horror that the ground was continuing to fall away; I was now rolling down a 50 degree decline and picking up great speed. Curiously, all of the other townspeople seemed to have no problems remaining upright, but I have become somewhat of a hazard. As I continued my descent, I could hear the curses of the townspeople as they scrambled desperately to get out of the way.

The ATM was coming up fast now. I tried desperately to slow myself, but I could find nothing to grab onto. As I went whizzing by the ATM, I looked up (well, sort of sideways, since I was rolling on the ground) and saw a mass of flames filling the glass-enclosed space. Reams of print-out tape were flying through the air, and several people were rushing towards the door, away from the flames. They were dressed in black and seemed to be carrying swords and throwing-stars. I went by too quickly to see whether or not they escaped, and I was still picking up speed.

I tried to keep a look-out ahead of me and avoid major obstacles, but as my speed increased I found it impossible to alter my course substansively. At last I saw one barrier I couldn't help but hit: the river. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, braced as well as I could be for the impact.

Nothing happened.

I opened my eyes, and promptly fell on my butt, as I hadn't expected to be vertical. I shook my head, but I didn't seem to be suffering any dizzy after-effects from my wild journey. Then I fely a very large paw on my shoulder. I glanced at it. It was jet black, fuzzy, and the size of a dinner plate.

This isn't happening, I told myself firmly. None of this is happening. And to prove it, I refused to turn and look at the owner of the hand. Instead, I took a deep breath and looked away ahead of me, into the river. And there, floating downstream, was the most magnificent pirate ship I had ever seen, or heard tell of. She was painted in a cheery cherry red, with gold trim, her sails were of the purest while canvas. Painted in large gold letters along her side was her name - the Oscillating Fan.

Ignoring my better judgement I squirmed out from under the hairy paw on my shoulder and dove into the river, swimming with all my might towards the brave galleon. Just as my arms were about to fail me, the crew spotted me. "Arrrgh! Person overboard!" they yelled, thowing down a huge coil of rope for me to grab onto as they hauled me up with great cries of "Heave! Heave!"

Once on the ship, I untangled myself from the rope and was helped up by...

You too can add to the madness. What do you think should happen next? email your installment and send it to msfc@dragonsea.net, and we'll add it to the story!

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